im back! !......WHY?

its been a while though since iv done these....got a lot of things that happened...been busy with school (nursing stuff!), with frends, and just recently with my 2 months work (i ended up resigning....hehe)...then i thought just now...maybe that's why it took me so long to do this again...coz nothin' significant heppens really.....(pathetic!)

i have this one question...WHY THE HELL WE MET HIM BUT THEN YOU CANT HAVE HIM! (god!)

its been 3 years since i havent told myself that i have this "special someone" (like a boyfriend....) is there somethin' wrong with me?....(im not actuallly askin' myself that, its just part of the composition, you know...coz' i know the answer...theres nothing wrong with me...am i bein' defensive? hell no!.)

well the reson maybe is that im focused to myself more than anyone else (except for my parents ofcourse...)..thats the main thing....i wanted to become a really successful nurse! thats the main thing (iv already said that!) and to tell you honestly im loving it so much...yup! i told ya .i joined again with the vampires of the night sky (if u read my blog, u know wt i meant....) but then again it didnt work for me...ya it pays off well...but then i know where my heart belongs!heheh!

what i understand is that..this is not the right time and the right person for me...im enjoying my life....but....at the same time im giving a full attention to my studies...come what may...or should we say "matira matibay"

marlboro dialogues

the truth of the matter is : CIGARETTE SMOKING IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH.....like theres a first phrase to that.....GOVERNMENT WARNING...

like duh? y the hell they would include such thing on every pack of cigar...bt then a lot of people knows that and smokers sez!....we dont give a damn!

yup i dont care....been through a lot in life should i say "been there done that" iv thought of one thing...i knw this is a shallow reason but yup...i can say that marlboro lights or cigar have always been my friend and something that i can be with when i need company..really there for me all the way...hahahaha!

MARLBORO DIALOGUES-is not my original really..this title came from my blogger friend Momel..way back the contact world years the vampire days (if ur reading my blog ul knw about the vampire thing...:p)...that in every night that were together and have a fuckin' cigar in our mouth different dialogues or should i say in depth statements about everything under the night sky just burst in with depth and substance..

and i remember that we have plans of commending marlboro company for being there with us...that in every cigar we consume with our frends around...its been quite a memorable bonding with them...that it is not smokin' alone...its merely bout the lessons learned!

im not actually flaunting here that cigar is my god! that yup many people sez that they couldnt' live without it....d hell with them...but one thing is for sure.....in every cigar iv consumed that is the times where iv been with the people i love....the times iv been struggling in my life and a lot of times that i failed and yet as of now it is the number of times iv learned for my mistakes and still counting the time to come that i will overcome anything and to continue "now"....

....just living MY LIFE!

...SEQUEL!

if u happen to look into this whole blog thing...you will encounter a journal called "5 years older" so here's the sequel.... :p

let me give you a little history here...my journal "5 years older" is merely about my link between a man 5 years older than me and about me actually putting in mind that older men is more passionate, responsible and knows the true meaning of life...which is infact now, i disagree..

just this summer iv met different kinds of people with different ages...bt one thing that leads me to sense is that not older men specifically, are the one that is more mature and be called the ideal one..younger men though..well not all of them, should i say the only one i know is infact to my surprise! possess the ideal character that women or ladies could see compared with older man ..hmmm..very likable right?!

wel..it is not really how old or older a person is to you but what matters most is how he perceive and handle his life...a man with substance indeed! or should i say, a man older than his own age...i hope u get my point...

2 years after now i know...

its been 2 years now since HE left me...
well, this story is not merely about heartaches and bitterness! this is about what i call "ultimate love"....

atlast after 2 years i realized why HE left me....iv spoke to him a few days ago..the feeling is very weird...im teary-eyed while i heard his voice for quite a long time now..we talked about our lives what we are doin' and how we are...as iv spoke with him i felt that i truly miss him a lot...that up to now i do and still love him...

" ultimate love" is when u love a person unconditionally with great sacrifices and understanding that inspite of all the hurt that u felt...stil deep within u the love u had before for that person never change and still same love that HE left before....

if i cud still remember the reason y HE left me is because HE wanted to focus on his studies.. (how pathetic ryt?)...bt after all the utters about him not to leave me..still HE has his stand... and now i realized that maybe thats why it didnt worked-out..on my part i can call it a "selfless love" well i dont hv to relate everything that happened to us... the bottom line is...after all the heartaches HE brought to my life.. at last were both in good terms now....

the only thing i cried about was me knowing that he passed the board exam...and to my surprise his the top 8....because before we broke up thats my only dream for him and during our separate lives...still i get in touch with him jz to tell him to take care of himself and say goodluck to the board exams...i never failed to pray for all the best things to come to his life.... (if u ask god...dts true!)..

well maybe the tears that runs to my cheek the moment i heard his voice, was a tear full of happiness....that jz by knowing that he has a good life now...even if this sounds pathetic! "IM HAPPY FOR HIM !"

after all the thinkin'...god! after 2 years?.. its jz now that i know... :p

over and over again...

last year of 2004 i had a complicating decision to make...

since im currently workin' to death to this highest-paying call center,
back then im pissed off with my life...coz' a call-center work will not exactly be

as successful as what we all think... yup! big pay, worry free coz' its an easy job, rhythmic tasks and ul meet different kinds of people ( the so-called vampires) in all walks of life...smokin' their hearts out of the infamous

marlboro lights and sipping the hot nescafe coffee, u'l hear people chatting over a head phone in front of a pc...

doing their respective american accent...talking with the dumbest people on earth, the americans... (well, not all!)

but inspite all that... there will come a time that ul get bored of how your life works... not having enough sleep, doing same thing over and over again...and after u drooled youself workin very hard, still you will see yourself doin' same routine

without u being promoted...

but really not being promoted at work is a prob for me...going back to the complicating decision, is me wanting to study again...

and yup after all the thinkin' i came up with a decision that will change my life.. i decided to become a student again, hoping to become a nurse...having this plans of workin' abroad, get paid real big....

without me doin' same thing over and over again!

5 years older.....

im back! im back!....
its been quite a long time since iv done ds...wel i jz wonder y...older man (jz about 5 years older i mean) interests me most!

way back august of last year...at west! d so-called highest paying call cnter...where d vampires worked to kick their ass off for money...somethin' happens....chemistry burst! beautiful faces reigns!

at an hour lunch at 4am... suddenly as i turn my face close to the windows of the night sky ( i mean morning....) a man sitted, simple yet as i may say a beautiful face reigns that turned me on....
days had passed i effortly hurried myself to the superior people of d callcentr which is infact my friends... without hesitation i asked them of the so-called man at the window... then they flaunted with great excitement that the mans name is ....(i dont hav to mention the name here right?) hahahah! wel let me jz name him "KIN"...for whatever reason of naming..i jz simply thought of that one...

after which.... i hurriedly run to my pc to look for his name in the chat room.....a room where all the vampires chats their hearts out...and at last i finally crossover with his name, well i mean his chatname...it was like this .."BBKIN"...well anyways jz wnt to share that...

well let me jz cut this story short...the thing is my frend is the one who is head over heels for him they actually know each other and obviously this frend of mine introduced me to him......bt stil after all that... my looks and my flirtiness caught his expressive eyes...then to my surprise, he message me through the chat thing...so since i like him too...we get along very well chatting about everything under the sun... and as what iv known from him his already 5 years older than me and he is married as well....

the sad thing is he is somewhat the guy that i can call the perfect one...bt then since i have my respect to myself...i take away the mere fact to be with him... we kinda' have this passionate relationship bt it all ends there....nothin' more....nothin' less...

the good thing is ...he's still there for me to say hello... once in a while...bt honestly i will never forget this guy...he's the man... i love how the way he kiss me, caress me....and u knw?.....blah! ....blah!....blah!!!!....

so thats the end of the story....

older man really are very passionate, already knows the true meaning of life....responsible.....and how to handle a relationship!... and especially good in b**....

and thats what i call a man... 5 YEARS OLDER!!!!

nothin' really....

Im jz enjoying myself of wt life has to offer..yup! iv fallen in-love with the wrong one...im loving it and it always puts a big smile out of my face..though it is very risky, painfull and complicated stl i hv my hopes and im just letting it be...bt then i thought of this one.... Love hurts when u give up someone...it hurts more when someone gives up on u....but love hurts the most when the two of u keep holdin' on...then...one jz give up or destiny suddenly gives up ! ! ! im jz letting my destiny put me on d right path and im doing so as well..yup! loving someone makes me go on in life but then...I DONT GIVE A DAMN! if he's there or not...im contended by the fact that i love someone..the question is.."is it worth loving?"..hmmm??! i know now and im learning more about my life and im better now coz im giving much time for myself and to do good..and mainly to enjoy my life! .. but then the most important thing is...i truly appreciate those people who remembers me once in a while..that on their busy life stil they give a minute of their life for me...that on their simple way.. some what that thought of being remembered is way very fulfilling...and yup! i jz love the feeling... :p